Anger, resentment, desolation—they followed me like stowaways, surfacing during my darkest moments. My health suffered as a result, and I knew that unless I tried something drastic, I’d never recover. So I quit my job and began searching for solutions to my self-inflicted problems. I turned to creative writing in the hopes that one day I could share my story. I never imagined I’d actually have an inspiring story to share.

Now that I’ve unloaded all this garbage out there, I’ll take a pause in the story. We have come to the juncture between the “before” and “after” of the makeover. For me, the turnaround point came through a program aptly named “Inner Engineering.” It was challenging, but fun. It enabled me to look at life anew, with a clarity I’d never known before. By the end, I was bursting with so much energy that I couldn’t recognize myself. It was so powerful, so positive, that I needed to explore further; it couldn’t be ignored.

Interested in discovering more? You can get a discount on Inner Engineering Online, 7 online classes for self-empowerment, and learn a free meditation.

I whizzed through Sadhguru’s biography by poet Arundhati Subramaniam on Monday. I had attended her session at the Jaipur Lit Fest and was lucky enough to have a few words with her after! While her poetry sent shivers, this book was so phenomenal. Her skill at weaving words made for such a magnificant tale.

Even though I had known many of the details of his life story, the prose was so captivating that I could not put the book down.  Plus, I had only heard bits and pieces before and here was an account that flowed seamlessly from beginning to end with the grace that is Sadhguru…

He was extremely candid about all aspects of his life, even the troubling events surrounding the Dhyanalinga consecration. I hope this puts all the skeptics to rest for a short time.

I would have liked to have read more about Anaadhi in the US, but I guess it was too recent to be included–maybe in part two! Who knows where the story will take us next…?

Catch a clip from their live event here.

I can say with more confidence that I am celebrating my two year anniversary of attending the Inner Engineering program and being initiated into Shambhavi Maha Mudra, which has catapulted me on yet another journey–this time a never-ending inner one, facilitated by this and my other Isha Yoga practices. I can also saw with certainty that had it not been for this initiation, I would not have made it this long in India! Below, you can read more about this rocky journey…

“I don’t want to go,” I said as we were on the plane to India in July 2005. That was the first of many trips. But alas, there has been no turning back.

As I awoke this morning, the same nagging “I don’t want to be here” tormented me. I have a very strong escapist urge: to go back to the comfort and convenience of the West, where I’ve been for a mere two months.

It’s baffling to me how, before I left in July, my attitude was so different. I was as settled as I ever have been here. My mom says it’s human nature to adjust; people even got used to living in concentration camps. The parallel, though controversial, is somewhat appropriate. I’m both victim and agressor.

I spoke to Savira, a fellow blogger and yogini from Living Laughing Breathing who is also re-adjusting to life in India. She aptly said that there’s a battle waging within me between the part of me that wants to be here and that which doesn’t. I’m not sure the two sides can ever be reconciled! This culture shock has taken me completely by surprise–I would’ve thought I was beyond it by now and nothing about India could phase me.

But it seems I’ve gone soft, lost my defences. The smells, the noises, the fear and utter disgust all bombard me like I’m back to square one. How can I actually be choosing this life over other, more sheltered, more straightforward ones? Even I’m baffled and can’t provide a rational answer.

Maybe my life should go back to normal, whatever that means. Maybe I should settle down and stop seeking more. Maybe I should start having clear goals. Maybe I should know what I want out of life and have a clear plan of how to get it. But I don’t know. Is that such a crime?!

between self and thought

lies the sweetest expanse

of life and nothingness.

Light and pure,

soothing and sure.

The cascading breath

carries me there,

to the space beyond time,

reason and rhyme.

No battles, no crises,

no wrong or right:

a place of seeing

without sight.

(written after my Isha yoga practice this morning)

I have been doing tons of research on how non-profits can use social media, thanks largely to Beth Kanter‘s wealth of resources on the subject, with the aim of seeing what Isha Foundation can do with these tools. The workshop was an opportunity to apply what I’ve already learned, and of course see it in a new light. Gaurav put things in quite a different perspective, for example by highlighting the theoretical underpinnings of the tools (whereas I’ve been focusing more on the practical uses and tactics).

He started with the question: “What are social technologies and why are they important?” and showed how they are changing people. For example, the focus is shifting from content to people, and people themselves are shifting from consumers to creators.

However, I would like to ask: if technologies are changing people, why are we not any more joyful or loving? Surely if we could engineer ourselves the way we would want to be, we would choose bliss over blogging. If the tools enable us to be more “connected”, why can we not experience this connectedness on a deeper level? If anything, social media has tended to exaggerate our individuality (to the point where we feel the need to broadcast our every thought and action). So, how is this change beneficial?

As an inner technology, Isha Yoga creates the transformation from the inside out. Without fancy gadgets, it enables an individual to experience life in a more enhanced way–feeling more in tune with others, with one’s surroundings, with life! Having experienced this myself, it was only natural that I looked to social media as a way to express and share my joy with those in my network.

The workshop report will be available on the Foundation’s site soon. Gaurav’s post on Everything You Need To Know About Social Media Marketing In Seven Short Steps is a good summary, as is this article/interview on Why and how nonprofits should use social media. Slides are below:

Sadhguru has long had a special relationship with Lebanon. He has visited the country almost 10 times since his first visit in 2000, and more than 1,500 people here have taken the Isha Yoga programs designed by Sadhguru.

A number of Lebanese have also become yoga teachers, giving yoga programs in the US, Europe, Asia and Africa. Sadhguru’s Isha Yoga group has brought together volunteers from all of Lebanon’s religions and social classes. In addition, volunteers here have planted more than 1,000 trees in the last two years as part of Isha Yoga’s reforestation project called Project Greenhands.

From the Mystic Eye, Lebanon site–a two day program with Sadhguru is happening there May 1-2.

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At the end of the session, I feel happy and giggly. I lie on the floor in my blanket, laughing like an insane person, or a baby, or an insane baby. I think I must be very tired. I speak to a few of my fellow travellers. They all seem to be in recovery from a terrible personal crisis, although I do not know if they too shout at buses.

A few days later, meditation calls me back. I actually want to do it. Could the anger be ready to fly away, like a bad love song? This time I go to City Lit in Holborn, which has a mindfulness class, again run by Duncan. Again, I am late – the power of denial! So, when I go in, 20 women are sitting on mats with their eyes closed, doing the practice session. One opens her eye and scowls at me. I scowl back. There is also, inevitably, a solitary man. In meditation class, there is always a solitary man. It seems to be a law.

The gender dynamics of meditation deserve another post. The results?

I continue to meditate and as I do, I can feel the anger waving goodbye. I stay soothed. For example, a friend asks me to a dinner party. I fear dinner parties like I fear Nazis. But I go, and I am polite, even when someone asks me if I have cystitis. (I do not.) Meditation is effective, I fear. I am in danger of turning into a rug. I am in danger of being happy.

Hear what others have to say about their experience with Inner Engineering: “After the program, the problems that I saw didn’t look like problems anymore…I feel lighter now…Calmer, clearer…Longer tempered…More playful…”

“As we have physical science to create external well-being there is a whole inner dimension of science to create inner well being. I call it Inner Engineering.” -Sadhguru

Inner Engineering is offered as an intensive program for personal growth. The program and its environment establish the possibility to explore the higher dimensions of life and offers tools to re-engineer one’s self through the inner science of yoga. Once given the tools to rejuvenate, people can optimize all aspects of health, inner growth and success. For those seeking professional and personal excellence, this program offers keys for meaningful and fulfilling relationships at work, home, community, and most importantly, within one’s self.

“Even though I was only 31,  my health had completely crashed to the point I thought that my life and career were in jeopardy. Within a week of doing these practices I was completely renewed on every level and haven’t had a health issue since. Instead of struggling to complete the 30 races a year, I now effortlessly completed over 50 events last year. My family was so impressed they have now all gotten involved in Isha.”

Here he goes into more detail on his experience of Isha Yoga:

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“Sadhguru is mystical, insightful, beautiful, funny, wise and grounded. I have taken two of his Isha programs, in Los Angeles and Tennessee, and strongly encourage you to explore this program for yourself–it’s not to be missed.”–Anjelica Huston, Inner Engineering Intensive flyer

From an interview with Huston in Vanity Fair:

She is being helped, she told me, by an Indian guru, Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev, whose name she spelled out for me like a conscientious schoolgirl. “He reminds me of my husband visually. He has the same lovely brown skin and liquid brown eyes. Very handsome. He’s a modern guru. He plays Frisbee on the beach with us.”

“Do you meditate together?”

“Yes, there are about 70 of us, and you sit cross-legged on the floor for about three days and feel like calcification itself. And then, somehow, you feel a little better. Maybe even get thinner and smarter. We go through a series of exercises, which were kind of familiar to me,” she added, and began to laugh. “I had an Italian grandfather on my mother’s side who became a yogi, and whenever we visited him as children we had to stand on our heads and sing, ‘Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day!’”