Becky Blab

‘The test of courage comes when we are in the minority. The test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.’ –Ralph W Sockman

Main Entry:

cour·age

Pronunciation:

\ˈkər-ij, ˈkə-rij\

Function:

noun

Etymology:

Middle English corage, from Anglo-French curage, from quer, coer heart, from Latin cor — more at heart

Date:

14th century

: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty

People say I’m courageous. When I explain the story of why I’m here, they are quite in awe. They say that what I’ve done takes a lot of strength. But I wouldn’t say I’m strong or courageous at all; in fact, just the opposite. I’ve been pulled along by the tides of love, swept under the swells of culture, and just barely been able to maintain my head above water. Maybe I did dive in, and maybe that did require an ounce of daring, but the rest has not been up to me. How can I claim any award for bravery for merely getting by, facing my days not with eagerness but mostly with apprehension?

Though this is not to say that I’m not a fighter. No, this description aptly fits me and, while I’m not exactly proud to admit it, I can at least own the fact. I argue constantly, tiresomely. When I want to, I can make something out of nothing, and make it go on endlessly. This usually means that I always fight over everything. So then, maybe I do have some courage stored up inside, if nothing but the courage to keep on fighting. But it’s so exhausting and unsatistfying. Wouldn’t it be multitudes more fulfilling to accept things gracefully, to compromise and to be compassionate? That’s what I keep reading, but the sneaky thing about motivational, spiritual books is that unless you’ve experienced something for yourself, you cannot claim it as your truth; and aspiring to other, ‘higher’ truths is disheartening and tiring.

Courage: if the root of the word is ‘heart’, then why does the definition only comprise mental or moral strength? Surely it should include some homage to its origins, a simple embracing of the emotional aspect of power that in fact overshadows the other components in potency. For it is the emotions that we feel throughout our bodies, and which essentially render them capable or incapable of operating in the capacities we so choose. Our emotions are indeed our bodies’ response to our thoughts, but they are the more tangible, more real. They keep us rooted to our bodies, to the earth, instead of up in our heads all the time. So this is why the root of courage is heart: because one must be rooted in one’s heart to have it.

Now, this sounds like a definition of courage that may pertain to me, that I can claim as my own. For if there’s one thing I can say with conviction, it is that I live by my heart, by my emotions and intuition. I trust, sometimes blindly. I leap, sometimes with faith, sometimes without. I dive, and often am in over my head.

“Courage implies firmness of mind and will in the face of danger or extreme difficulty”. Perhaps, but if my heart isn’t in on the deal, no amount of coaxing will convince mind and will to follow. She is the ruling queen.

This definition is slightly different: “The state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution; bravery.” I would certainly not say that such a triad applies to me, because it implies steadiness, firmness, calm and composure. If I am at all courageous, it is despite my lack of those qualities when they are needed most. I am plagued by moments of doubt, not only in myself, but in my choices. So I review them critically, I pick at my weak spots–I even fight with myself so that I can somehow win and be right in my own eyes, rather than feel that I’ve done it all wrong.

“Courage overrides self-doubt, but does not end it.” –Mason Cooley

Thus, maybe courage is itself borne through self-doubt—of staring it down, of being victorious in the face-off. Until the next showdown.

“Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.”

–C S Lewis

This is essentially saying that courage is at the heart of what it means to be human. Courage is the basis of virtue, and virtue is human essence (since vir means man.). So maybe I do have courage after all, and being reminded of it helps me to recognize it in myself, to give myself some credit for getting through my struggles. Yet I actually have nothing to do with it, since it belongs to us all. In fact, if I had any say in it, I’d argue with it.

Maybe no one tells us that we’re courageous, and we ignore it in ourselves in favor of our other demeaning stories. But actually, we all manage to live in this crazy, uncontrollable world, and this mere act of survival takes all the courage in the world.