This article in Tehelka, on the confusion and obsession surrounding sex in India, is a valuable compliment to my blogbharti post. Some excerpts:
There is provocation in terms of [imagery from the West] but there is the absence of opportunity to express it within your own social framework. And it all leads to curious distortions. And that is something that we all need to introspect about.
When something like sex is not allowed to be taught or discussed with a degree of transparency and wisdom, it becomes the subject of ignorance. A great deal of India’s obsession with sex is wrapped in the cloak of ignorance, or stereotypes…
I agree wholeheartedly. While this has become standard knowledge in pop-psychology by the likes of Freud, I think it completely pertains to the situation here. Unfortunately, many of Freud’s observations of his (mostly ‘hysterical’, bourgeois female) patients of the Victorian era seems to apply to India.
Victorian morality was unyielding in its relentless criticism of the Indian tradition which gave to desire its due place in a balanced life. For the British, India was a dark, heathen mass of carnality… The internalising of this Victorian critique has distorted our own value systems and the heritage of our own past. And we are not yet at the kind of balance that we should have.
In the name of nationalism, embrace sex and desire?! And in the name of female empowerment…
Indian men think they are good lovers, and sex is greatly on their mind, but they have never really been put to the test. For them, women are either merely objects for their own gratification, or stereotyped as repositories of unbridled sexuality just waiting to be tapped. Such distortions too are a result of repression and ignorance, but things are changing because of the progressive empowerment of women. Women now, at least in the larger cities, are not willing to be taken so much for granted. A lot of them are increasingly aware of their own persona as women and are fighting for their own sexuality. The situation is still fragile, because of the reactions of the self-professed upholders of morality, but the first stirrings are there and they are bound to grow. This presents both an opportunity and a challenge to men in male-dominated societies, who have so far seen sex as largely a one way street to their own pleasure. And that is one of the crossroads the Indian male and Indian society has to navigate.
Opportunity and challenge, indeed. Is this a case of the men having to back off a bit in order to let women take charge? If so, are men willing to give up their power? If not, how are women supposed to ‘fight’ for their sexuality? Through increased confidence, communication and assertion of their desires I would suppose. Yet, crucially, are men willing to comply? I would hope so, especially if it means better, more fulfilling sex for them. However, I would think there would be a large amount of resistance to letting women take the reins of the sexual relationship. This is just my hunch, and of course I would love to be proven wrong. I have no idea of the extent to which couples discuss their desires, and if this is in fact increasing in the current era.
The author of the article wants India ‘to become a place where we don’t sublimate desire, we don’t drive it underground, but we learn to accept it in enlightened ways which may push against some of the antiquated asphyxiations of the past, but which don’t necessarily break down the social consensus on the pace of change.’ This is a tricky statement, as I don’t think such a ‘social consensus’ actually exists! The whole problem/distinction between conservatives and liberals is that the former don’t want certain things to change at all. So it is unlikely that such people would learn to accept desire, whether or not it is a matter of enlightenment.
