Becky Blab

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I’m spontaneously combusting, & caught between

June 11th, 2010 · 7 Comments

Yes, I have been known to complain about the heat here in Jaipur. But this post is about something more substantive. I have been diagnosed. With “aggravated Pitta.” Which means my fire levels are off the charts! My Ayurvedic doctor nearly got burned when he took my pulse.

I have a fiery heart

Yet, I take little pleasure in the fact that I will leave for an almost-annual visit back to the US. It feels so weird to think about going. I do want to see people, but it always brings up so many issues that I’d rather not deal with.

It feels like going back in time. Ironic to say that, considering that it’s so much more technologically advanced than India. But for me, and my personal chronology, the US is backwards!

I’ve not just left behind the people and the places–but more importantly, the parts of myself that I wanted to shed. Emotional baggage starts surfacing again the moment I think about returning.

It’s like I’m caught between two poles, neither of which is a perfect fit. I have to be the chameleon…

I like to travel light

Related posts:

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  2. Afrin & Tony’s Jaipur visit
  3. Fifteen hours without power
  4. Pics from the Greha Pravesh
  5. Yoga is non-religious…?!

Tags: culture · expat life · health & well-being · mobility · Sharings

  • Sirensongs

    I totally understand, going back to US completely feels like going backwards. In so many ways the lifestyle here is backward. People here in US have not yet caught up w the idea that “less is more,” which is the way the universe and economy are headed. So, that is backward!

  • http://anandtiwari.blogspot.com Anand Tiwari

    Have safe and enjoyable trip Becky. I hope you are able to shed the blocks and bondage you think you have soon.

  • beckyblab

    Thanks Anand, me too :) How do you find making the transition between life in India & the US?

  • Jasmine

    hi Becky, we all have to fight our demons, take this trip back to US like a chalenge, you are a strong woman , you look beautiful and delicate but very strong, try to transform it in a beautiful experience by keeping yourself positive, be a shining litle star among your US people than come back to India and shine here too:) How Neale Donald Walsch says” your life is your message to the world”:) God Bless u:)

  • http://twitter.com/rosedeniz rosedeniz

    Hi Becky – I really resonate with your post – I find it intriguing how you pair “aggravated Pitta” (I'm sure I could be diagnosed with the same thing – fire in the heart!) with plans to go home – do you think there is a connection? I can really understand what you mean by being caught in between, and chameleon or 'cultural amphibian' is one of the ways being 'hybrid' has been described at expat+HAREM http://www.expatharem.com/whats-a-global-niche-….

    It's that feeling of not really belonging to any one place – making new definitions for your experience in a larger global context. Living abroad, being an expat, are too simple of terms to describe something life altering. Going home feels different each time I go back. And certainly any major change – like flying over the ocean – and I carry my own emotional handbag. I have a feeling, though, that those things come up for a reason.

    Thanks so much for sharing your blog post with me on Twitter! I'm so happy to find another kindred spirit!

  • Katherine Jenkins

    HI Becky, I used to feel like that whenever I came back to the States from Korea. Over the course of 10 years, I came home about once a year. Now that I live in the States with my husband, I feel different. I realized that place doesn't matter so much. You can carve out the life you want no matter where you live. I feel more comfortable here now because there's more space and thus more opportunity to maneuver in that space, but no place is perfect. I always felt like I was in a time capsule whenever I came back to the States. My friends had their lives, but I wasn't part of all that. It will feel strange to be home, but I'm sure there will be parts you enjoy too. Have a great trip home!

  • beckyblab

    I was really touched by all your comments! Thanks so much for the support :) It's true, it's not about the place but rather how we are inside…