Becky Blab

From Shared Experiences, December Isha National Newsletter

November 11, 2009
As I rushed to the meditation hall (Mahima which means Grace) at 5:28 this morning, I asked myself why am I doing this to myself? The early morning risings, the cold showers, the strenuous physical exertion of nearly 2 hours of yoga and meditation, the frustrations of not being able to keep my balance in a certain pose, or asana, and the financial hardship of spending every last penny I had to be here while on unpaid medical leave. The criticism of my family and friends, the disbelief of doctors and psychiatrists, the wonder of perfect strangers at my grace and exuberance despite everything in my life that is falling apart, and yet I am still here.

And it is cold. There are no permanent walls in Mahima yet as the fundraising efforts ramp up for the fall, so we are all huddled around a few portable heaters with our wet hair and bodies chill from our cold morning showers (it makes the stretching much easier and more effective, but it sure isn’t pleasant at 5am!). After a while the cold just becomes a part of me, and I continue on focusing on my breath, keeping track of where I am at in the process so that I am sure it will work properly. And work it does.

In the past 6 months since I first visited the center in Tennessee, I have gone from a scatterbrained, frustrated, easily stressed harried woman to a committed, focused, unflappable (nearly! Still working on that.), and determined woman. Exactly the way I was 12 years ago when I started college determined to change the world, to help people, and to make a big impact in my lifetime. But back then I was young, idealistic, broke, and scared, feeling lacking in the tools I needed to be effective, and madly infatuated with the love of my life. Now I am older, still idealistic but practical now, broke again, have a full set of tools that have equipped me with the courage, strength, and conviction to stay the course, and I am still in love with my husband, though the fire, or more likely the faith, has seemingly gone out for him, something I am working on rekindling.

The many times I arrived late at night, or days later than planned to the center due to my own inability to plan and to manage my life, the volunteers so gracefully helped me and ensured I had a worry-free stay. After all of the difficulties and extra work I caused them, they still smiled and helped me, knowing that I needed that grace and comfort during the most difficult time in my life. Waiting up late for me, calling to check on me during my travels, making sure I was well fed and warm, even when they were not, they have felt more like my family than my own flesh and blood these past 6 months as I have been accelerating my healing journey. And I now feel so amazing, I want to give back as much as I can and I see there is so much to be done. My once numb and tingling legs have a new life in them, my spine and lower back have been burning with a white electric heat after some of my more intense sessions and I can feel the healing energy passing all through my body like a wave at those times. This morning while I was struggling with the newest meditation that I have learned, a resident patiently sat with me in the cold morning, while she had work piling up, and ensured I got it just right. This is why I stayed an extra night to make sure I could do the meditation properly, as I know how beneficial it will be to me.

While the stress continues to mount up at home with what feels like my entire world turning their back on me, I know I can always come here and be well nurtured and provided for, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and that means more to be than anything in the world.

In the past 6 months since I have visited here every month or so, I have watched this place blossom and then slowly retire for the impending winter. I shudder to think of this small group of determined residents continuing to shiver in the chill morning air with their wet hair and their piles of blankets as they tremble on into their practices, never once complaining or giving up in their mission. I am also excited though to see the trees and shrubs being planted, the small baby steps towards sustainable farming being made through the greenhouse and the herb gardens, and the few pear trees in the old orchard (as well as the spontaneous self-planting winter melons (ash gourds) erupting from the compost pile!), and the ground breaking for the new permanent kitchen structure that will make preparing food for 500+ people a lot less stressful. I have learned of the plans for the Mahima garden, which will be a simple place of solitude providing refuge and inspiration to nature and humans alike. And yet these are still plans, a beautiful vision in the mind of our beloved Sadhguru and the dedicated Tennessee center team, but there is much hard digging and planting to be done.

For all those who have found the center in Tennessee to be a place of grace, as I have, I ask you to consider the tireless efforts of these volunteers as you go about your day, in warmth and comfort, doing your practices that they have so generously helped you master. They need your help to finish Mahima so they can be warm and comfortable while they do their daily practices, to finish Sadhguru’s vision, to plant the meditation garden that will blossom next summer, and to be able to breathe a little easier after all of the intense hard work they have put in over the past 4 years since first beginning on this journey to create this wonderful space in our own home country.

For all those who have helped me these past 6 months through the most difficult time in my life, namaste – I bow to the light within you. I only hope I can return the same grace and love to others in need in my life in the future, you will always be my inspiration and steady support when I am weak and doubtful that I can do it. Thank you for everything you have done and may you be blessed many times over for the amazing work you have committed your lives to fulfilling.

With much love and admiration,
Christina Borland

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