“How deeply you touch another life is how rich your life is.”–Sadhguru

I like this quote because it redefines wealth, which seems to be a primary concern of many. When I was growing up, I was spoiled by having the things I wanted, and I took them for granted. Yet, I also slowly realized that what I really wanted couldn’t be bought. I wanted to be happy. I didn’t want to do anything just for money; I wanted fulfillment. Money wasn’t a driving force in my life.

Is money the key to happiness?

As a full-time volunteer, maybe I’m not earning financially, but the value I get from being with others, offering myself to help them, is far more precious. Sometimes I struggle with the idea of not making money, since I have always grown up believing I would have a career. But I am creating possibilities for myself which are beyond monetary reward, which I myself find truly worthwhile.

My grandfather can’t understand how I could have come here to help him, and would rather that I earn something and leave him alone. It’s no surprise that he didn’t have great relationships with relatives, since he apparently does not appreciate being with family.

The other day I shucked fresh Jersey corn with my nephew, & I feel this trip is the same: day by day, peeling back more and more layers, down to my core. Spending time with loved ones doesn’t cost money, it costs love–and that is invaluable.

or striving for what I really

want to be?

Am I meandering,

or steadily treading the path?

Am I turning down the good life

for one which is great,

or am I simply settling for less?

America, a land of bounty

and wasted possibility.

India, a barren wasteland

but filled with beauty unseen.

How appropriate that my Jewish mother sent me this. I thought it was hilarious & timely, since I’m coming to terms with certain issues related to the theme of kvetching.

I checked out her son’s article in HuffPost, Frame It With Gratitude:

“One way to describe your experience would be to say, ‘This is so annoying I could scream!’ Or you could say, ‘This is so annoying … and my life is really very blessed.’ ” She agreed that could make a big difference.

“But I don’t think I can remember to do that,” she sighed.

To my delight and amazement, my mother has continued doing the practice, and the change has been revolutionary. Seven months after my visit, she sent a card for my birthday. As is our family tradition, it contained a poem she wrote for the occasion. This one I especially cherish. Even though she started losing her sight during those months, the effects of her gratitude practice are evident in this poignant excerpt. And it goes to show you that you can teach an elder human new tricks!

Ninety is just fine with me, I no longer rant and rave
About where the world is heading and my exclusive job to save.
I wallow in contentment and know that I am blessed
Awakening to the joy of living at its best.
I’m happier than I’ve ever been and truly mean each word.
The thoughts that caused the worries now all seem so absurd.
Though my eyesight has been dimmed I see clearer than before,
The glass is not half empty, it’s overflowing to be sure.

Why is it that we have to complain or criticize about what’s there? Even if you want to improve something, surely there are more effective ways of going about it.

I also take the water from fennel soaked overnight, apply castor oil on some chakras, and have done a couple self head massages with sesame oil; the latter two tips were suggested from the Isha Rejuvenation Center.

squeezing out the goo

squeezing out the goo two

requires skill to open--childproof!

mixing

the table to the right is where i work & produce too much heat we sit on floor cushions rather than chairs.

Lovin' Mama G's gulkand

Wish I could be there with you now!

Last July in Forest Hills

I have a fiery heart

Yet, I take little pleasure in the fact that I will leave for an almost-annual visit back to the US. It feels so weird to think about going. I do want to see people, but it always brings up so many issues that I’d rather not deal with.

It feels like going back in time. Ironic to say that, considering that it’s so much more technologically advanced than India. But for me, and my personal chronology, the US is backwards!

I’ve not just left behind the people and the places–but more importantly, the parts of myself that I wanted to shed. Emotional baggage starts surfacing again the moment I think about returning.

It’s like I’m caught between two poles, neither of which is a perfect fit. I have to be the chameleon…

I like to travel light

Here’s a little story from my husband which he loves to tell but can’t take credit for because I’m sure he got the story from somewhere else. It goes like this:

A man who was about to enter the pearly white gates of heaven was greeted by an angel. The angel said, “I will grant you one wish. Anything you want will be yours. What is your wish sir?” The man knew exactly what he wanted and didn’t even hesitate to answer the question. He said, “I want zillions of dollars.” The angel looked at the man and smiled and said, “Your wish is granted.” Then, poof, she disappeared and the man was left all alone in heaven with zillions of dollars for eternity.

Be careful what you wish for. Do you really want zillions of dollars, or do you want what zillions of dollars can buy you. The pursuit of money for the sake of it only will lead you down a dead end street. There’s nowhere to go after that.

The post came at a good time, as we are trying to do some financial planning for our future goals. I used to want to completely avoid thinking & planning, it made me so anxious. My fears have subsided and I’m more able to think practically.

I didn’t necessarily think of money as dirty, but I saw so many really messed up wealthy people and I associated the two as inseparable. Instead, I saw myself as having values which didn’t coincide with the pursuit of money.

The only problem with this is the danger of resentment which sometimes creeps up on me. I can’t understand how some people in India can have so much while most have so little… But this is a global issue which can only be solved through a complete shift in consciousness.

Not all of Jaipur looks like this...

Recently, I keep starting out my posts with numbers. Perhaps it helps me to establish the landmarks, to measure my success on this uncharted path. For me, these three years are the longest ever time that I’ve been settled in one place since I graduated from high school in 1999. I’m discounting the four years of college because I moved a lot from year to year.

True, I haven’t been in Jaipur for three years straight, either. I have left for at least 2 months every year to visit family, and last year I was hardly home since I spent almost half the time at the ashram or travelling. It’s probably the only way I could’ve survived.

Nonetheless, three years with my stuff in the same apartment, with or without me. Three years of having Jaipur as home base, ready for me when I return. Three year of having pigeons as my closest neighbors.

It was in April 2007 that we came here. I want to be able to say something very insightful about my experience here, a neatly packaged byte of wisdom. But in my stupor of disbelief that I’ve made it here this long, I’m struggling to make much out of it.

Actually, perhaps the real motivating force behind writing this post, behind even the realization itself that I have been here for that long, is that we are most probably leaving Jaipur. I hesitate to give more details because that deserves its own post. But the impending departure certainly has made me recognize how settled I’ve become here, and dare I say it? Attached.

To be honest, I can’t think of things off the top of my head that I particularly like about this place, but to do Jaipur some justice, I will put some effort in and make a list:

1. Central Park
2. seeing Nahargarh Fort from my window

Ok, the list idea is pointless. It’s sounding horribly negative, which has nothing to do with Jaipur in itself–it’s more to do with my own perspective and judgements.

While now I can say that I’m in a positive frame of mind, much of my time here has not been spent in that way. Furthermore, I can say that I’ve come to terms with my previous negativity, and have reached more of a state of acceptance of life, of being here, all the pros and cons included. It’s been a sacrifice, but has held certain advantages. They’ve pretty much cancelled each other out.

Pros include low cost of living, nice apartment, being close to in-laws, being close to Delhi. Cons: difficulty in going out (weather & logistics combined), weather, lack of social circle, weather, being close to in-laws, weather…

Dear Jaipur, you’re too hot and I can’t think properly. You’ve made life difficult for me, but I forgive you.

It took a long time for me to process that culture shock–perhaps I am still–but one thing I know is this: The conversation is dynamic between an individual and her environment and just as it would be absolutely absurd to respond in a conversation with your friend with the same one line, it is absurd to respond to life experiences with the same old line. To be engaged in this narrative with others, our environment, our religions…requires creativity, expression, and risk. This is what I think. What about you?

Life can be so contradictory, whenever we form fixed opinions it has a way of proving us wrong, if we’re open to it. Otherwise we remain stuck and suffer.

What is required?

Fluidity. If you try to cling to your old beliefs and habits, you will end up missing all that the new place has to offer. You will close yourself to any possibilities of exploration. You will become lost in translation as you search for a meaning which computes with your preconceived notions.

Willingness to laugh at yourself. To look deeply and acknowledge that so much about you is unconsiously shaped by where you have grown up.

Listening, openness. Even if you don’t understand the what or why, acknowledging the universal humanity in others.

Appreciating the diversity of experiences. Humility in seeing that there are many rights and wrongs as shaped by place and time.

This thing we call life can be so complicated! Or so simple.