“How deeply you touch another life is how rich your life is.”–Sadhguru

I like this quote because it redefines wealth, which seems to be a primary concern of many. When I was growing up, I was spoiled by having the things I wanted, and I took them for granted. Yet, I also slowly realized that what I really wanted couldn’t be bought. I wanted to be happy. I didn’t want to do anything just for money; I wanted fulfillment. Money wasn’t a driving force in my life.

Is money the key to happiness?

As a full-time volunteer, maybe I’m not earning financially, but the value I get from being with others, offering myself to help them, is far more precious. Sometimes I struggle with the idea of not making money, since I have always grown up believing I would have a career. But I am creating possibilities for myself which are beyond monetary reward, which I myself find truly worthwhile.

My grandfather can’t understand how I could have come here to help him, and would rather that I earn something and leave him alone. It’s no surprise that he didn’t have great relationships with relatives, since he apparently does not appreciate being with family.

The other day I shucked fresh Jersey corn with my nephew, & I feel this trip is the same: day by day, peeling back more and more layers, down to my core. Spending time with loved ones doesn’t cost money, it costs love–and that is invaluable.

How appropriate that my Jewish mother sent me this. I thought it was hilarious & timely, since I’m coming to terms with certain issues related to the theme of kvetching.

I checked out her son’s article in HuffPost, Frame It With Gratitude:

“One way to describe your experience would be to say, ‘This is so annoying I could scream!’ Or you could say, ‘This is so annoying … and my life is really very blessed.’ ” She agreed that could make a big difference.

“But I don’t think I can remember to do that,” she sighed.

To my delight and amazement, my mother has continued doing the practice, and the change has been revolutionary. Seven months after my visit, she sent a card for my birthday. As is our family tradition, it contained a poem she wrote for the occasion. This one I especially cherish. Even though she started losing her sight during those months, the effects of her gratitude practice are evident in this poignant excerpt. And it goes to show you that you can teach an elder human new tricks!

Ninety is just fine with me, I no longer rant and rave
About where the world is heading and my exclusive job to save.
I wallow in contentment and know that I am blessed
Awakening to the joy of living at its best.
I’m happier than I’ve ever been and truly mean each word.
The thoughts that caused the worries now all seem so absurd.
Though my eyesight has been dimmed I see clearer than before,
The glass is not half empty, it’s overflowing to be sure.

Why is it that we have to complain or criticize about what’s there? Even if you want to improve something, surely there are more effective ways of going about it.

I have a fiery heart

Yet, I take little pleasure in the fact that I will leave for an almost-annual visit back to the US. It feels so weird to think about going. I do want to see people, but it always brings up so many issues that I’d rather not deal with.

It feels like going back in time. Ironic to say that, considering that it’s so much more technologically advanced than India. But for me, and my personal chronology, the US is backwards!

I’ve not just left behind the people and the places–but more importantly, the parts of myself that I wanted to shed. Emotional baggage starts surfacing again the moment I think about returning.

It’s like I’m caught between two poles, neither of which is a perfect fit. I have to be the chameleon…

I like to travel light

Sadhguru’s Huffington Post piece from last week, If the Feminine Ruled This Planet, Life Would Be About Living, really struck a chord with me. Firstly, a caveat:

When I say feminine, I am not talking about it in terms of male-female; I am talking about it in terms of masculine-feminine.

Yes, but women certainly are implicated. The feminine is under threat, not just by patriarchy and social norms, but from women ourselves. We are not choosing to speak out against the systems which suppress the feminine.

So today, there is a danger that the female is giving up the feminine because survival has once again become the dominant factor. Survival has been pushed up to a demanding scale like never before. In earlier times, survival meant just gathering the day’s food. But today, survival means a BMW, the latest technological gadgets for your children, a summer home, etc. That is very challenging. So as this happens, as the demand for this type of life increases, there will ultimately be no room for the feminine to find any place in society.

There is so much pressure on women to compete like men in the workplace, and then still maintain the household. When I was growing up, my mom worked, but I had friends whose moms were housewives and I envied them. However, nowadays it is a rare luxury if families can afford to have a stay-at-home mom.

So something needs to happen for the feminine to flower within each human being. The feminine should be nurtured right from the start. As many children go into science and technology, the same number should also go into music, art, philosophy and literature. This must happen. If this does not happen, there will be no room for the feminine in the world. So celebrating the feminine is very essential. It is not about “woman,” but rather the “feminine.”

I struggled with the division of disciplines as I was younger. I enjoyed most of the subjects, but found math really challenging. I longed to pursue music, dance, and theater, but it was difficult to accommodate everything. When it came to college and professional choices, it was obvious that intuitive, artistic pursuits could only serve as hobbies, whereas my career would have to be based in the logical aspects of life. A lot of feminist research has been about quantifying the “care economy,” and calls for better remuneration of the jobs that women typically fill.

The very nature of this continual quest for survival is masculine. The masculine is always about conquering something. The feminine is not about conquest. The feminine is about flowering, about relaxing, about living – not about getting. So what’s needed is a shift. If that shift does not happen, we will exhaust the planet too fast. If the feminine ruled this planet, there would be no ecological problems because it would not be one mindless, endless conquest – it would be about living.

What do you prefer: conquering or relaxing?

“To be in India is to experience India. It’s not that you have to go find it. It’s all right there,” she says.

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love, and Julia Roberts were on the Oprah show to promote the upcoming movie. Do you agree with the director, Ryan?

“I think it’s more than a book. I think it’s a movement, and I think it’s so personal to so many people,” he says. “It was to me. I was a fan, like Julia was, before it came into our lives.”

Liz also shares, “One of the great teachings that I learned in India is that silence is the only true religion.” So what about all the noise from the “EPL marketing machine” as Yoga Dork calls it?

In “Are you experienced?”, Sirensongs quips that the book will release a torrent of tourists unprepared for the experience.

With the release of the Eat Pray Love (or is it Eat Love Pray?) major motion picture (“The amazing adventure of a middle-class white woman who talked her publisher into bankrolling a scripted adventure”), India-tripping is set to become a middle-class fad for the first time since the days of the 70s Overland Chapatti Express. Except this time, instead of tie-dyed trippies, it will be mani-pedi suburban women seeking “adventure.”

She compiles a humorous list of ignorant questions that first-time travellers pose. Yet while her tone seems derogatory towards the potential newcomers, I would prefer to see it as an opportunity for many different kinds of women to be exposed to  India where they might never have even thought about it before.

I followed some of the conversations on the EPL Facebook page, and of course there were plenty of disagreements between the conservative Christians and others. And plenty of misinterpretations about yoga, Buddhism, meditation.

Nonetheless, if the book opens some women up to India,  so much the better. It would take courage for anyone to come and visit, with or without mani-pedi.

Eating jaggery rice & badi

Us with Bardi Ma

Pre-party with Gulli my niece

Not only have I not had any word regarding the status of the application, but I have tried on numerous occasions to contact someone, anyone, with no success. I actually thought I might be a silly, over-reacting American when I decided a month ago, “Hey, let’s try to see if we can find out about the application.” Even though I knew there was still time left, I had a faint fear that the deadline would come and go without a word. And it has.

We attempted calling numbers from the Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA) website, no answer. Going to the local office for foreigners, “We can’t help until 90 days are up.”

I’m slightly afraid as I write this post that I should be censoring myself. But the Indian government does takes pride in offering freedom of speech. After all, independence happened from the British because people were able to openly criticize.  So as I blog, I will enjoy this right as any Indian or PIO. I know that my application is still accurate, my spouse is Indian and as such I deserve PIO status.

I’ve been told to be patient, that these things take time. I was patient, for the 90 days. Now, not so much. Sorry, I’ve reached my limit!

It seems it might take less time for those applying from abroad. Even my husband is now stating (after the fact) that he had a feeling it would be tougher to do “inside”. But, being residents here, we were following the rules that we were supposed to apply here.

See this forum thread about someone who’s PIO application took 17 months to process from Delhi! One bonus of this experience: connecting with other expats in India…

Note: I have revised this post after realizing my misinterpretation of the procedures. They’re not quite so straightforward.

Not all of Jaipur looks like this...

Recently, I keep starting out my posts with numbers. Perhaps it helps me to establish the landmarks, to measure my success on this uncharted path. For me, these three years are the longest ever time that I’ve been settled in one place since I graduated from high school in 1999. I’m discounting the four years of college because I moved a lot from year to year.

True, I haven’t been in Jaipur for three years straight, either. I have left for at least 2 months every year to visit family, and last year I was hardly home since I spent almost half the time at the ashram or travelling. It’s probably the only way I could’ve survived.

Nonetheless, three years with my stuff in the same apartment, with or without me. Three years of having Jaipur as home base, ready for me when I return. Three year of having pigeons as my closest neighbors.

It was in April 2007 that we came here. I want to be able to say something very insightful about my experience here, a neatly packaged byte of wisdom. But in my stupor of disbelief that I’ve made it here this long, I’m struggling to make much out of it.

Actually, perhaps the real motivating force behind writing this post, behind even the realization itself that I have been here for that long, is that we are most probably leaving Jaipur. I hesitate to give more details because that deserves its own post. But the impending departure certainly has made me recognize how settled I’ve become here, and dare I say it? Attached.

To be honest, I can’t think of things off the top of my head that I particularly like about this place, but to do Jaipur some justice, I will put some effort in and make a list:

1. Central Park
2. seeing Nahargarh Fort from my window

Ok, the list idea is pointless. It’s sounding horribly negative, which has nothing to do with Jaipur in itself–it’s more to do with my own perspective and judgements.

While now I can say that I’m in a positive frame of mind, much of my time here has not been spent in that way. Furthermore, I can say that I’ve come to terms with my previous negativity, and have reached more of a state of acceptance of life, of being here, all the pros and cons included. It’s been a sacrifice, but has held certain advantages. They’ve pretty much cancelled each other out.

Pros include low cost of living, nice apartment, being close to in-laws, being close to Delhi. Cons: difficulty in going out (weather & logistics combined), weather, lack of social circle, weather, being close to in-laws, weather…

Dear Jaipur, you’re too hot and I can’t think properly. You’ve made life difficult for me, but I forgive you.

It took a long time for me to process that culture shock–perhaps I am still–but one thing I know is this: The conversation is dynamic between an individual and her environment and just as it would be absolutely absurd to respond in a conversation with your friend with the same one line, it is absurd to respond to life experiences with the same old line. To be engaged in this narrative with others, our environment, our religions…requires creativity, expression, and risk. This is what I think. What about you?

Life can be so contradictory, whenever we form fixed opinions it has a way of proving us wrong, if we’re open to it. Otherwise we remain stuck and suffer.

What is required?

Fluidity. If you try to cling to your old beliefs and habits, you will end up missing all that the new place has to offer. You will close yourself to any possibilities of exploration. You will become lost in translation as you search for a meaning which computes with your preconceived notions.

Willingness to laugh at yourself. To look deeply and acknowledge that so much about you is unconsiously shaped by where you have grown up.

Listening, openness. Even if you don’t understand the what or why, acknowledging the universal humanity in others.

Appreciating the diversity of experiences. Humility in seeing that there are many rights and wrongs as shaped by place and time.

This thing we call life can be so complicated! Or so simple.